Remember Me
by Sunsteps101
Summary: Spoiler warning: story contains spoilers for The Tyrant's Tomb. Apollo muses on his relationships with some of his friends and family after the events of The Tyrant's Tomb.


**Spoiler warning: this story contains spoilers for The Tyrant's Tomb and books prior to that.**

**The song that inspired this is _Remember Me _with lead vocals, backing vocals, drums and guitars by Colson, Piano, Orchestra, Flute, percussion and backing vocals by Fox Amoore, and Lyrics by Kyell. **

**Please review.**

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_I took a movie to bed last night  
__the hero journeyed to set things right  
__his smile was familiar to see_

When I'd sat on the hill at Camp Half-Blood, I had read about myself in the selection of books I had found. In each one there were tales of the great deeds of the glorious god known as Apollo. All the ladies (and gentlemen) swooned over his good looks and confident smile. Even his stepmother accepted him as an Olympian immediately as no one could deny his godliness.

That really didn't seem like me at the moment. I felt bruised, both inside and out, and so very tired. My mortal body simply couldn't keep up with the demigods at the Camp or in New Rome, and nothing was as it should be. I mean, I was working on rectifying that, but it was hard.

The story of my battle with Python to avenge my mother stood out in particular. The god Apollo walked up, threw a few insults in the snakes direction, drew his golden bow and killed the beast in a single shot. Not really, but it reminded me of how people used to think of me: strong, powerful, protective. I wondered what they thought of me now.

I missed being that man.

He could definitely be an absolute bastard, but at least I had had the power to do good then. Now I didn't really have the power to do anything apart from mess things up for my friends and occasionally cheerlead for them in battle on my ukulele. Back then I'd had the power to lift disease from entire communities, I could lead people to the correct paths with my prophets, and helped provide the music around the world that lifted everyone's spirits. I'd even given special attention to Annabeth Chase's arm after the Battle of Manhattan.

Gods didn't really do moral code. We thought we were above everyone, which usually ended up in us constantly warring with each other and everything else. It didn't matter do much with other gods, but it really affected the mortals who were unfortunate enough to attract our attention. I had thought I was a good person before, and sure I had been sometimes. But not enough, and I now wished more than anything to make it up to those I'd hurt.

Of course negative attention wasn't the only kind it was possible to attract. When we gods loved we did it with the same passion we did everything. I had never been very lucky in this department - maybe Aphrodite had it in for me for being so attractive? I had been known to steal her boyfriends. As a god I'd had so many romances but none of them seemed to stick. I wanted that more than anything. I know I'd agreed never to marry but I wasn't like my sister at all - if I found someone, I'd do anything in my power to keep them safe at my side.

I had read for ages about my former self. I wondered if I'd be the same on my return to godhood.

_He fought off the world and never failed  
__Got the girl cause he held tough and prevailed  
__Just like a better - the way I remember - me_

I was so glad I'd got to spend some time with Frank while I was in New Rome. He'd grown so much since he'd first arrived at camp, become confident and ready to lead. He was one of the few people left who still believe in me, that I could do it, that I was a good person.

I remembered how my heart had been caught in my throat as I'd raced out of the Caldecott Tunnel. Frank had avenged his fallen comrade like a true Roman, like a true friend. I couldn't help feeling that his rage over Jason had been blinding him from Hazel's worry recently but it seems that that had paid off for him. Even if he had terrified us all.

I was very envious of his relationship with Hazel. Not because I wanted her for myself or anything, no nothing like that, but because of how they were with each other. They were so cute together. Each wanted to keep the other safe and sound, out of the fray altogether. Sadly this was rarely possible for demigods. Right now they were looking like a power couple of rival Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase, leading New Rome side by side.

I was glad Frank had now been relieved of his curse, I couldn't imagine living under a burden like that. He could now live his life without that constant fear on his mind, as could Hazel. He had always seemed so strong even in spite of it so I didn't doubt that he and Hazel could keep their home safe and defended.

Maybe I could convince Mars to let me adopt him when I was back on Olympus.

_Tell me it's not too late  
__To be the man I used to be  
__Tell me (Tell me)  
__You'll help me see_

When I'd arrived at Camp Half-Blood my children hadn't seemed to know what to make of it. Hades, I hadn't known what to make of it. We had just kind of ignored the obvious subject.

It was nice that they had not abandoned me and had offered to take down my enemies. It was a long time since I'd bonded with my mortal children for obvious reasons - their lives were simply so short compared to mine. They were there one minute and then just….gone. It was just too painful. Then again, I guess being abandoned by your father would be painful too. At least Zeus could be nice on occasion.

Being around my children was a physical embodiment of what I'd lost. Their power shone out the way mine used to: Kayla with her bow, Austin's music, Will's healing skills. I was so proud of all of them. I'd have to make the effort to tell them that more often. If he liked, I'd also include my soon-to-be-son-in-law, Nico di Angelo as I saw how much he meant to Will. All of them could recall what I had been and encouraged me in my skills - the reversal in competence levels had been quite unnerving for I was usually the one doing the teaching with my children.

I hadn't managed to meet any of my descendants while at New Rome. Frankly I didn't remember if there were any living there presently, and I hadn't had time to seek them out. I'd check in with them once I had all of my memory functioning once more. Octavian however I was glad was not there. He was all the worst parts of me together, power hungry and ruthless. I couldn't believe Reyna had ever considered dating him.

Georgina was another possible person I'd have to check in on. Unlike Octavian she'd reminded me of all the good things I could be, brave and resourceful. I thought it very likely that she was indeed my daughter but I guess I'd have to wait to be sure of it. I hoped Emmie and Jo were still keeping her safe and out of further harm from the triumvirate. I did care for my children, even if I didn't always remember to tell them.

_There's a way  
__To reverse my fate  
__Help me find the way  
__Back to where I  
__Can remember me_

The most important member of my family that I could think of was Artemis. I missed her so dearly, it had meant everything when she'd come for me at the end of the battle of New Rome. I wished with all my heart she'd been able to stay longer but I understood why she couldn't. It would have been an amazing time to finish my trials with my sister at my side - also much easier.

You might think from observing us at first that we weren't that close. This was just plain wrong. I loved her more than anything. Even though I might be distracted by pretty girls, boys, or statues, I'd always come back to Artemis. We may not have expressed it often but we loved out hunting trips together, just the two of us.

I remembered the first time we'd walked onto Olympus together, shoulders softly touching, to meet our father. How she'd asked for a bow just like mine. I'd been so happy she wanted to be like me. How jealous I'd been of her relationship with Orion.

I'd always thought I'd be the one protecting her, but this time she was the one to save me. I had some inclination of how she must feel as I recalled how distressed I'd been when she's been kidnapped by Atlas. Even then she was still immortal. Her self restraint impressed me, as I definitely would have impulsively helped her out and got myself punished too if our positions had been reversed. She had always been the practical one, knowing she could provide support and be a better advocate for me on Olympus than down here. She also had her Hunters to think about.

I couldn't wait to get back to our usual relationship, so she could stop worrying about me and be happy again. I'd even let her pick where we were to go hunting. If there was one clear reason I wanted to be a god again, it was so I could do this.

_Once I was the star and life was fine  
__Then I got scarred and began to decline  
__I watched other movies and forgot about mine_

My mind once again drifted back into the past. I was walking through lush green fields under a Greek Sun, content after a lovely date with my then-girlfriend. Koronis was beautiful, and I loved the way she laughed and sung - that was what had attracted me in the first place. I didn't expect the match to last, it was just a fling really, but I liked her well enough. She was pregnant with my child, a boy. I had already blessed the future baby with a particular gift for healing. What are godly parents for, eh?

Life was good.

A large white bird fluttered down and landed in a tree above my head. "Hey, Apollo!"

I looked at it, a little annoyed to have my walk interrupted. "What?"

I wish I'd never asked. The bird had been watch Koronis and I, and as it lived around her saw Koronis often. He'd seen her go to bed with a mortal she was often around, Ischys. A mortal. When she had me.

I screamed, flicking my hand out toward the bird. It turned back as the curse washed over its feathers. It flew away to leave me in peace.

I was confused and angry. Surely it couldn't be? She wouldn't do this to me? We'd been dating for a few months now. It was just so unfair. What could he give her that I couldn't? How dare he? How dare she? I was a god!

I never wanted to see her face again. Ever. I screamed out again, my face hot and red, this time for my sister. "ARTEMIS!"

She appeared almost at once, stepping out the trees this time looking about 20 so that we actually looked like twins for once. "Brother?"

Hot angry tears filled my throat. I couldn't vocalise it, but I knew what I wanted. Luckily I didn't need to say anything. I grabbed her hand and she simply knew. We gods can do things like that.

She didn't say another word as she squeezed my hand tightly and narrowed her eyes. She nodded to me, drawing her bow from her back and stalking off toward the town, face dark and stormy. Good. Good.

As I stood there the anger started to melt into sadness. A tear dropped from my right eye. I didn't want to cry but I couldn't seem to stop. I'd been through lots of relationships ending but being betrayed by someone I thought was mine much so much worse. A thought had flashed through my head that I had also cheated on lovers before, but I pushed it away. That was different. I was a god, I could do what I liked. Besides, being the lover of a god was a blessing, not something to be so lightly tossed away.

I stayed in that glade for hours, thoughts running through my head, trying not to be seen. My brain kept moving between sadness and anger, but I just kept getting more distraught as time went on. Maybe she hadn't meant it. Maybe…maybe she would take me back?

My resolve broke and I dashed back towards the village. I wanted to see if there was anything to salvage from our relationship. But alas, her body was already on the funeral pyre, blood dripping from the arrow wound that had slain her, fire licking around her. This was already beyond even my skill. I choked sob escaped my throat.

But maybe there was something I could do. I could help our baby. I took a deep breath and stepped towards my former lover's body.

I snapped back to the present. I didn't want to remember anymore of that. It was definitely one of the worst things I'd done. I also hated it, as it had driven me into a deep sadness for a while. I didn't have a relationship longer than a couple of nights for a long time after that.

_If I had a job I'd send flowers to you  
__If I had a life you could share in it too  
__If I had the strength I'd need nothing but you_

I couldn't say I had much of a life at the moment for anyone to share. I spend everyday either healing from being stabbed, or trying not to get stabbed again by someone or something I'd offended in my past (a lot of people/things). But I wanted to share it with someone.

I had watched Reyna a little as a god. The way she held herself with quiet confidence, the clear and graceful way she spoke…but I'd stayed away as Venus has warned me. Then when I'd met her in person as a mortal she had been just as beautiful. Everyone had apparently noticed the way I'd been watching but I just couldn't help it.

Even after my humiliating rejection when I asked her out, I still wished she'd change her mind and be mine. That she'd smile at me, let me make her laugh, that we could go on hikes together with her dogs. I wanted her attention. Despite the fact we hadn't known each other for long, I loved everything about her - it was just one of those things you knew.

I'd loved our bonding moments on the short quest we went on together even if they had been rather awkward. Plus she was so brave and powerful I felt my quest would be done in half the time with her by my side.

I'd been so tired by the point she'd pledged to join my sisters Hunters that I didn't really have the energy to feel any emotions. It had saddened me yes, but not broken me. After all, Emmie and Jo used to be Hunters. Artemis will not like that thought. Man, why did I always like these girls?

I knew she wasn't broken. She didn't need a man. But I wanted her to want me.

_Tell me it's not too late  
__To be the man I used to be  
__Tell me (Tell me)  
__You'll help me see_

Meg still seemed to believe in me. I guess her bar might not be very high for companions after being raised by an abusive evil Roman emperor. No matter what she seemed to learn about me she always managed to see the good things I was doing now and let them outweigh the bad things I'd done in the past.

She really was one of my favourite companions. Maybe I could take her with me when I went back to Olympus, if she wanted? I fear I would miss her too much otherwise. I'd have never thought that when I'd met that small dirty raggamuffin in an alley.

It was the way she cared so deeply about everything. Her emotions were always so strong whether they be love for unicorns or hate for a dead king. Sadly this often meant I was chasing at her heels into impromptu battles. However I would gladly do this forever if it kept her from harm.

I was sure I could arrange for her to have a unicorn after our quest was done and things had settled down a bit. I felt like starting a horse and magical equine sanctuary was something she a Lavinia would excel at. Maybe a cross between that and some kind of garden centre?

Plus if she still wanted those piano lessons I'd have to visit to teach her. I'd find some way. I could get my sister to ask for me, she'd always been better at arguing with Dad than I ever had. I wondered how Demeter would fit into all of this as she still hadn't talked to her daughter in all the time I'd been with her, or before that to my knowledge. I'd tell her to visit. I needed to make sure the attitudes of all the gods improved towards our mortal children, not just my own.

_You want a man who won't sit and wait  
__For others to succeed  
__Well I'll be that man  
__Please, remember me_

Sitting alone in the gardens of New Rome, I thought about how I was so used to letting others do all of my work. Not anyhow of course, it's a little hard to have people do your bidding as a mortal teenager named Lester. Not that I would want them to do so anymore. I had to fight my own battles.

I thought about my half brother, Jason Grace. There was a true hero. He did what was right without hesitation, because it was what had to be done. Even after Piper had broken up with him for reasons he couldn't understand he'd still sacrificed himself for her, for all of us. He'd lead the 12th legion as praetor, giving up everything for his friends.

If I could be half the hero he was I'd be happy.

Meg still held on tight to his new proposition for Temple Hill. I hoped Frank would get everything finished on schedule, but if not I would do everything in my power to help. When I was a god again this would hopefully be a significant amount. If Hades allowed it I would visit him in the Underworld, and thank him like he deserved. He would say it was just his duty, as any good Roman would.

I was actually surprised Thalia took the news as well as she did. This just further proved how used to disaster the demigods were. She has just lost her brother - for real this time - yet still came to New Rome and fought in his name without collapsing. I couldn't lose my sister, but if I ever did I would be inconsolable for centuries, unable to stand, feel, or think.

I couldn't let Jason down, or Thalia, or Meg, or any of the others who were counting on me. His memory was to be honoured.

I would be Apollo again, as I once was, but better.

_Tell me it's not too late  
__To be the man I used to be_


End file.
